Since long, I am thinking whether it is a rational decision to have children. I know life is not a rational thing, can’t use rational and logic to plan the life. In my age, many people got married and have children. Their life is surrounded by their children. After women older than 40, it is not easy to have children. So, most of the women have to decide whether they want to have children. If they want to have, the earlier the better. The thing is: do they really seriously think about to have a baby before we start to have a baby.
When Children are young, they need a lot of care, a mother or a father has to spend more time with them, which means one side have to scarify their time, their career for the child. Children are easily getting sick and need a lot of care and attention. You compare with other people; your children compare with their counterparts as well. They want to have everything, and you, you can’t give everything to them. You want your children to get the best thing, good education, decent behavior and the most important to be a good human being. However, sometimes, even we did everything, but the result is decided by God.
Till now, I still don’t know what is life. Life for me is like a long trip, a trip is composed of many difficulties and loneliness. I fight very hard to achieve what I want to be and to have. Probably, it is not worth to fight so hard for the life you want to have, however, time is there, have to do something to fill all the time. I am struggling to fill my desire. When I have 10.000, I want to have 100.000. When I get 100.000 I want to have a million. I have to resolve different obstacles, and it always follows new and more difficult than another.
Life is like a trade
When you want something, you have to give something. When I decided to leave my country to explore the world, I have to separate with my family and friends. When I want to eat sweets, I have to give my slim figure away. I get what I want, I also give what I used to have. Life is like a deal, it starts since we born. I made so many trades till now and to have children is also a trade, however, whether to have children is not just a trade, because it is a trade which going to accompany rest of your life since the baby is born.
Every trade has risks, and to have children such a big thing for everybody, ‘risk’ is not appropriate word anymore. If a child is healthy and good, it might be easier, because of we might spend time, invest energy and love to them for around 20 years, when they become adult and independent, we are relatively free. However, what about a child has illness and not decent, rebel, anti-society, we might bring a monster to the world. It means, after we cultivate them become adults, we are going to worry and struggle for the rest of the life. People may say, how your children are decided by how you cultivate them. That’s partly true. However, during the period a baby grow into an adult, people they meet, what do they think, how do they feel about this world are not decided by us. We can’t even guarantee our life, uncertain about our future, how can we say that we can make our children better.
I asked my parents whether they regret to have us
They said no, but if I look at them, almost 70 years old, they still have to take care of my brother’s children. My brother doesn’t appreciate it at all and takes it as a grant that what my parents do for him. He takes over everything that they have, their house, their money, and their time. My parents lent some money from my sister and my sister asks them to pay back. She forgets how much time and money my parents spend on her, gave her food, brought her to a university, gave her support, find a job for her, and when my parents get sick, she even feels annoyed to take care of them. I, I am even worse. After 17 years’ old, I went to another city to study, so many years, I just return to home one month per year, they miss me I know. I also know, they don’t have so much time left. I can’t think about one day they are going to leave me. However, go back home one month per year, that’s maximum I can do. Yes, I am selfish, and I know they deserve more, it is really unfair. They are good parents, but they made a bad deal with life.
My boyfriend, his mother has a different political opinion with him. I still remember, that Christmas day, he jumped with an angry face and walked away. Left the poor woman had a Christmas without children. She married someone when she around 20, more than three decades, she invested so much time for the family and her children. The society and husband labeled her should stay home, take care of children, go to church, worked in the kitchen. In the end, she lost her husband and the same year she lost one of her sons. She lied in the bed every day and ask God to take her away, I am imaging if she did not think about other people so much and think a bit more about herself, is life will be different?
People can argue it is human’s instinct to have babies
However, I believe many people when they have their baby, they lack deep thought about what does life mean for them. Many women just accidentally have pregnant and have babies. We are so young to know what is life in 20 or 30. When I am sitting in a bus, train, tram, nearby streets, and watch people’s face, most of the people’s faces suggest that they have been tortured so long by their own universe, they are not happy. They have no emotion, but numb faces. Is this world filled with happiness? I doubt.
I like to ask people why they want to have children. most of the common answer is they did not think that much at that time. I also asked people who don’t have children do they feel regret. They told me, most of the time, not. But during Christmas, they imagine that the house may look different when they have children. The older they get, they feel more afraid. They want someone who cares about them, and can call them regularly. It is good to feel that someone still care about them and remember them.
Yes, we are so pathetic creatures that our destinies are the same that we are going to leave the world as a dust like we have never been here. No one wants to be forgotten by the world. At the end of life, if you know something about you, part of your cells, your blood, your creature still leaves on this world, maybe we feel better, however, who knows? Maybe we feel regret to bring these creatures to the world.
Sometimes, I think they are so many people in this world. So many people so evil, less educated, poor, sickness, etc. these people can have so many babies, why I am a healthy, smart, good educated woman doesn’t bring a baby to this world. Why?!
When we think about children, we always think about a pure and angel baby, and less think about a rebel and troublemaker adolescent. The common value from this world builds us a perfect picture which more like a religion: a mother, a father, a family and children. If you don’t follow this model, it means you are different, you are not fully accepted by society. People who join this religion will judges you. Because they already have children and no way to step back. The rules of religion do not accept they abandon their children, even don’t accept that they are not nice to their children. They have to give everything they have to their children, and people belong to this religious group even make a consent of panegyric that it is so great when parents love their children more than their own life. Parents invest so much for their children and they should not ask anything back, they should just give and give. The young men and women still join the group continuously and brainwashed by the religions and believe children can bring their life better, happier without question the values grow deeply in their head. They forget life is a black hole, they can’t count on anyone.